6:15 this morning had me getting blood and a flu shot as a part of our yearly bio-metrics. I have a 31 inch waist and I weigh 138 pounds and a blood pressure that is too high--diastolic over systolic, right? 144/68 was it? I hadn't taken my medicine yet as I am lazy sometimes and walking to the grocery store is a better idea some days over others. Don was there and got his flu shot, too, though they aren't as concerned about his general health given he isn't the employee covering us. Don returned home last night with some good news--might be more of a future for him where he is without killing himself as they want him for an office NOC job, which he's done a billion times before so there you go. I still think we really might want to remedy our living position. The 500 square feet is one issue but there is possibility of a bigger space if things work as they should--but right now the conundrum is--paying roughly double what we are now to move or let him suffer through an insufferable commute in both directions.
I really am waiting for the manned drone ...
The TV. My god, the TV. You wouldn't think such a thing would be important as it were, but for me and Don, we don't really own anything of value except the TVs. Well, now the TV. Anyways. So yesterday, my last line as I mentioned, I was getting literally fumed out of my place because a four foot line of polyurethane was painted around the entire perimeter of the building, thus touching three walls entirely. So I had to perch the fan on the ledge, yeah, hovering over the goddamn TV and I had pushed it up to the front but at some point, it got so stinky I thought let's block this room from any air and circulate what's out there and open the door every once in a while. The fan slowly edged itself to the corner...and then, as I sat here watching a show on Netflix and I don't even remember the name of, but I heard it, and with it the crushing of any sober possibility last night or really any love from Don which is a condition likely to last for a while because. The fucking car came up again. If you all recall ...
Yesterday's social media posts were swarming with me too stories of sexual assault which counted to varying degrees, from the wolf whistle to all out rape.
I got in on it as it seemed the perfect time to commiserate but honestly at the end of the day, all of that, that which I knew--was probably only alarming to a small faction of men ignorant to their own gender and the ways in which they manipulate things. And I wrote my thing about my jesus year rape, which, truth be told, I am not sure I even wrote about before. Maybe I did, maybe I alluded to it, maybe I just don't want to think about that shit anymore.
As it is, given my initial experiences with sex were kind of warped (in ways I don't really want to discuss)--I learned long ago how to extract parts of my own history to not hurt myself or those around me. You do kind of separate yourself into pieces, a kind of before and after version of yourself you really never fully imagined. And I have been splintered several times in a lifetime of people who abused my trust, people who I have a small ...
