because nothing is what it seems

Published November 30th, 2017 in 2015 and beyond | No Comments »

Don comes home last night after my day immersed in thinking about family dynamics and asks me if I want to buy a house in the general vicinity where he works (Parker, Elizabeth, Elbert County). "Uh...how are we gonna do that, you need like 10-20% down?" I ask him. He tells me he knows someone through his boss that can maybe arrange something with $0 down but--honestly, I think it's a terrible idea. I mean, yeah, I have a thing with owning a piece of the earth--I want something to plant a tiny house/earthship inground pool under glass with tropical plants but--I don't know if that's the best idea until we get our other channel going, get some other income in. I am still somewhat paranoid about having something happen to entail disability--and as I told Don, I keep working to keep my contribution higher--though what I did just read was the average was $1165 a month, and as they quote "That is barely enough to keep a beneficiary above the 2014 poverty level ($11,670 annually)." What the ever living fuck--no way--and shit I have had it ALL shredded--At this point I still have my full vision and there is ...

Category: 2015 and beyond

what is your definition of family? mine is likely not the same…

Published November 29th, 2017 in 2015 and beyond, hearts | No Comments »

Interesting lately watching the world pass by us as it does...Don and I, I had mentioned, are pretty distanced from all family members--birth adoptive, who I picked up last year, you know. I kid, but for years the idea of family didn't really ring any comforting bells because these people I was handed off to or related to--they never really knew me, barely know a hell of a lot now and do not really care to know anything but what they've assumed. You see how I am here, speaking my mind--not a hell of a lot different am I in person--I often say things that make people super uncomfortable or they are just generally shocked I do say what I mean, and I really fucking try to mean what the fuck I say. I realize what I sometimes do end up saying isn't really intended to make you feel warm and googly inside and sometimes pisses people off. Guess what holding my tongue does? Does it give me another 3 days of joyful living? Nope, and who would be able to say much about the quality in that circumstance? Not a fuck of a lot. We've been in this building going on ...

Category: 2015 and beyond, hearts

the stitch of a crick leaves more felled to the back

Published November 28th, 2017 in 2015 and beyond, hearts | No Comments »

The more I come back, err, the more that comes out seems to be bringing some of my floated poetry back into motion. So many years, so many poems scribed on dinner and cocktail napkins--a friend of mine had so many, collecting them behind a bar we were working behind. There were men, sure, they got them that I fancied, thinking myself more of a poetress seductress than I probably really ever was. One person who I've lost touch with over the years--I wonder if he's still around as we are all getting to the age when friends die of things that people die of, fuck this, this is a novelty thing that seems to happen to a select few. I think sometimes to move forward you have to un-stick yourself from the cement of broken dreams and things that just passed you by--things you may have actively watched, or maybe there were horses you wish you rode in on--though I realize my metaphor might be used for like a tangle concrete thing like a man. or maybe...maybe opportunities that flew freely by why you stood idly by and watched. I have realized I got to a point of literally giving ...

Category: 2015 and beyond, hearts

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