I say that often enough. You want things to change, change something about what you are doing. Usually things change with us with the interrupting of another person's actions into our lives, as a lot of stuff probably up until now appeared like it was just set up to inconvenience when I should realize things have ultimately generally gotten better. Now I can admit I would take almost all responsibility for that aside from Don's talent---but I made a lot of shit even and equal and readied for him to enjoy the kind of success we might see. I made him do the taxes, get even with the murderer's debt and just calmed his life down a lot. All I know is nothing would have happened like this had it not been the perfect timing, which it absolutely was.
He is doing a temp assignment out of state that gave him certain authorizations to work anywhere now, and Hawaii is on the list and oh my God, can I really have the life I always dreamed to have, or am I insane? all I know is the rent for a 2 bedroom is the same between Hawaii and Denver, ...
Man that migraine yesterday got me thinking about my own paths of thought and getting control again of those directions and reflections. I've realized my brain has had the three strokes, and those were just the ones I know about--obviously there might be other tiny spots of black sprinkled in there. I almost convinced myself I could think myself out of a cerebral hemorrhage if I had to do it. I figure each one might correspond with a time forgotten or memory sacrificed to time, but I think this is all one of the after affects of the gene issue. Clearly if I don't have the infrastructure to support clear thought and clean pathways to remember it all, then I am not going to remember much but some superficial highlights of memories, some might be real, some parts maybe dreamt. The biggest aspects and affects I can remember, but even faces and names at this point are a blur. So many friends, so many faces, jobs and experiences in this life. So many of these outcomes from my own desire not to sit around doing the same shit day in and day out. So many times I made ...
Sometimes shit gets out of hand, and sometimes you have no goddamn hope. It's the way it is sometimes in this life and I am no stranger to the highs and lows. Certainly not everything has been shit, though outcomes sometimes tend to be, but I fucking try every day and I have been busting my ass for weeks working 6 days since he left that company. He found another job, in a different state, and I can't tell you I am excited for that, as we are certainly in no position to move. So he will be gone and I will be alone, hiding out as I tend to do, and thinking since my check is basically 2/3 what is was with 25% gross taken out, there will be no extras. Not for some time until he gets paid. He is working on something so fucking amazing for our lives I cannot complain, and I wouldn't anyways, because there is a lot to complain about outside of what work he does and where. The situation lends that solution because where he is working will be paying it forward for us, one can only hope. Like instantly being ...
