Man. Life is a mean motherfucker for sure. I am contemplating if killing myself now or later would be the better option. I certainly won't survive menopause and if I do, likely with brain damage. The strokes, the strokes. The fact that I am somewhat brain fuzzy on shit already kind of leads us all to believe I am in the last throes of my life. Don says 3 years, and no, he is not overly negative or some heavy head influence putting me in the ground faster. It's reality, and yes, I certainly am going to run out of this stellar luck I have been able to escape death avoiding. At some point, it just will.
So yes. I have been selling and selling and trying my best to make something. He is trying to find work and I have been doing all the overtime I can--working 6 days a week for the past number. To start all this and then get fucking wage garnished for medical bills. I just saw the letter yesterday. My last net check was $1000. They have somehow configured to take out $374.60 something bi-weekly. How would you be able to afford living ...
I am trying my best to manifest my luck and numbers to help us do the things I want to do in this new sales job. I believe I have it, something that helps push forward my energies right now. I think life has better things in store for both of us, though getting Don to always believe that is not an easy feat. He is a bit of a pain in the ass, and incredibly negative to the point of sometimes spiritual toxicity. Sometimes you have to reject the bullshit to not have it surround you. and the best way to do that is to not expect it all the time. He doesn't believe that, but if I just die trying, hopefully he will get it.
Some conversations I have had lately due to his departure from the company have resulted in some leads in even other parts of the country and the job I have now lends a certain flexibility to where I might want to go. I really enjoy the positive aspect of presenting the best parts of the stuff we sell, though I clearly have had my criticisms. But truly--I think this is an ...
I have like 7 drafts, half-written, hidden inside here I have typed over the past few weeks. But I have also been busy, as I tend to spend my time a lot better than I did previous to this job switch. I think that as a person I became a little too accustomed to being the victim of circumstance, addicted to the negative, entrenched in problems to the level that not only was it my job title, I spent a great deal of time exposing myself to more problems and conflict. I literally got so addicted to problems I made it a literal part of my job title.
I realized after a few weeks that sales is the happy part of the company, and there is a reason. Nobody is going to call you and complain before or as they are buying if you are a good salesperson. And if you are an even better salesperson you make it so that any problems that might arise would never be of your own doing.
And that is who I have become. And as a result, I simply have no time to ponder the world's problems all day long. If ...
