hmm..triple three three three..times.
I try and try to figure it out, all these fucked up heartbeats around me, the men who don't fucking feel the smallest sentiment to my best friend who seems to be able to cry at the drop of a hat.
I used to think that I consistently had some positive influence on the people around me. Lately I have come to the conclusion that I just am. Good nice positive, negative, hole whatever. I just exist. But even with all this newly found family stuff swirling around my brain, it's hard for me to get too wrapped up in anything regarding the past. Be it past views of what I had known as family, past impressions thumbed like a knife in my heart. Today, and letting the dribbles of tomorrow filter into today's discussion are as far as I can allow.
I keep seeing the sun captured on two-d meaning: the sun and it's impressions, the smells filtering through the tv screen. I remembered when I worshipped the sun for the allowance that it provided me to play outside, or how it warmed the outside layers of grass and feet and arms and lips. And allowed me to ...
so yea...there's this thing that can happen.
I was adopted. I met my birth mother for the first time on Thursday evening. Although. huh. I feel speechless. Exhausted. FRancis calls her BAbs. I called her Barbara, and at times, mom. CAN you really trade in your parents for the real thing? hell no. BUt you do end up tryin to figure out who yoU Are in terms of nature vs nurture. I can say for myself that there are few similarities between myself and my parents as I have known them my whole life. Whereas with my birth parents. the similarities are many and differences are purely circumstancial. but really, how many people would have the viewpoint that i can have? because, for most people I know, their parents have always been a part of their lives and similarities aren't as evident as they are with me. Simply for the fact that I have two different gene pools that affected me. But, the beautiful thing was..she flew here from denver after never having been to the east coast let alone nyc, anddddd....enjoyed herself last night at a punk rock bar with all my friends...even so much embracing them as we ...
but kinna photogenic for a mutt...bahahahaah...it's 2:30, and I don't wanna deal with this work thing I have been very bad about...crimethinc has some interesting and on-point philosophies about living...now if only having money didn't matter...pffffffffffffttttttttttttt.....she's so pissed in the one below.....and here is ghetto...uncharacteristically sedate.hahahaha
