My grandfather disowned one of his sons and brothers because of some bullshit I never quite understood (being that I was 10 at the time)...So it's not like it's so out of family tradition to do so..I was threatened at 19 because I wanted to take a fucking bus to give a drawing that I drew for my ex-boyfriend for Valentine's day after I had heart surgery...Needless to say, I did go, and fucking whatever, I had to..
My birth mother has offered to help me go to school in DENVER (being that I believe she and her husband have appartment buildings) and asked me if I would mind working part-time..haha..How funny is that considering I worked full-time, went to art school, and got the help of a hundred something dollars in supplies from my mom? I feel as though, at 25, my time is limited, the fucking off period needs to end, and even if I still act like a kid, I should at least be producing with my time...Christ though, NYC is a place I can't really see myself without for too long (yay for plane tickets and good friends)..and she really wants me to go in January...
January is ...
So after being friskily awakened to make hOmOsexual moaning noises with the Francis in the midst of an 800 number phone call to customer service of the porn site Francis works for, I now have developed somewhat of a headache this morning...she decided that she wants to make a guest entry, so here it is... and remember..WE ARE FRANCIS.
hello sLuTs. i just wanted to let you all know that WE ARE FRANCIS. now what does that mean? you ask. it means that francis and i comprise one entity; we exist as seperate but complimentary personalities in two physically distinct bodies. (to clarify: no i am not talking "siamese twins", nor twin twins, nor body and soul.....). i am talking about a complex psychological process whereby two people become so enextricably intertwined that they fuse. we have the same voice, the same syntax, the same semantic register. our brain waves synch. so does our menstruaL floW. YeT...we argue sometimes over points of view, ideas, concepts. i believe that that is how we grow, and i believe that the manner in which francis and i discuss things is comparable to the manner in which one "aspect" of the brain challenges other ...
hahaha.... Anyhow, as I careen closer to the menstrual flow time, it become apparent to me I turn into a mega bitch who cannot deal within the first few days of the flow...
I talked with V tonight about how my hatred for women will never allow me to be with them in a romantic way...she and Jennifer's deduction was that I was truly a lesbian at heart, but that I had a strange hate for..for what? The pussy I really wanted, I guess..
The dick, though strange and looming far off in the background, is something I feel more comfortable with...be it the domination of the man attached, or the idea that I could bite it off at any point...ahahah...In any case, this is just a personal declaration swearing off all of it, the dick, the boy, the girls....and if I forget I have this testament to myself, I at least have a physical manifestation of that..It's just that the whole pursuit is not necessarily a result of some self-examination of what is wrong with me anymore..
I have never been one to blame others for who I am..I am happy with who I am and the strange idiosyncracies that are mine ...
