contemplative expletive..fuck this hit or miss

so i was thinkin, yes, that i need to get the fuck off this shit..start new and rebuild myself..maybe an oversimplification of sorts..no forum. etc etc...i am holey tired and my nose keeps crusting up and leaving me with soreness and all that other bullshit.

this no smoking thing is driving me crazy in that #1, I work in a muthafuckin bar, yo. and #2 the smell sticks to everything..

In the meantime, I am trying not to let my heart get outta whack and go freakin nutso so I can live a longer healthier life..which means no chicken to eat (too many freakin antibiotics and hormones)..sick really.. I was watching discovery this morning at like 6 am and watched this show with a buncha 80 year olds who had less invasive and terrible cirucmstances than me, at 25. The thing that scares the shit out of me, and has always kept me in line, is that death, for me, is like a matter of when and not an if. For all my dreams have said, it's 83. GO medical advancement. One thing that scares me a bit is the whole idea of whether or not I could even get a transplant ...

strange things as my toes numb…

i woke up today throat itchy. feelin the bum laziness. the no movement desire the head tired does anyone really appreciate me..the movement of my body to rise up and take care of shit..no dice.

my energies extended across
wanting to be strong enough
to fall
deep dark feathered eyelashes
bouncing off the prismed glass
I wanna be stuck, stingered
I wanna be broken, built up again
let me sink slowly, mused in smoky dreams
sanding and steaming up..
breath tired and heavy,
body falling
and if your arms reach out to catch me
will I fall the right way..
sweat soaked, kisses stirring
murmuring in the back of my throat
breathing in the you
i need now

on a lighter note. asa (my girl dog) is madly humping ghetto (another girl), while valerie and I have these succinct political discussions which involve me looking up and thinking. francis... do i look like i can synthesize this right now?
 

this is why i smile….

FRANCESSA PRINCIPESSA!!!...here she is...callin herself one slick bitch....francessa was the first one to really make me smile today. score points for FRANCESSA!!!!!!!