Man it's gonna totally suck if I die because I think finally people are starting to want to pay attention or listen to me. I am the most interesting person you don't know.
I kid, there are absolutely people wayyy more interesting than me but I've got my own opinions on most things-I feel in some ways I'm looking down the barrel of a gun, but then the other part of me is there to whisper--shhh--you have gone through this so many times before you have all the practice. It's just a root canal, no it's just basic maintenance. I do think this sucker will be the last--my general paranoia is around a pacemaker, I'll admit. I do not want one of those, not just because I'm on a payment plan for a PEMF mat I would have to get rid of quickly but because I REALLY don't feel I want to add myself to another Facebook group to be ignored inside. My heart rate is not great-phone's telling me for just about a year it's been trending below 50bpm a lot of the time--looks like the summary range for the past year was 37-204--now that 204 probably hurt ...
Sometimes I want to just ramble, and there are times like today I wish I could just pass out for a few days. I keep waking up at the witching hour, that horrid time between 3-4 am and I am unable to convince myself to go back to sleep. I start thinking, overthinking and getting wrapped into the traps of what if? There are a lot of what ifs in my life but I really do not have any regrets exactly. I do hope to continue on to get shit done--I did get that Corona site up--I did get the information moved here. I did start my VLOG on the tube of you. JFC btw with that--I really have so much respect for those who have no problem recording themselves. At this rate I'm just trying to get some stories out. What if I can't type after this, I think the audio/video files would be easier to get through as clearly after surgery I shut up for the most part.
You can get pretty wrapped up in your own issues and forget about stuff after major surgery--luckily I have nobody counting on me but a silly dog and my ...
So...I know you've missed me. No you haven't ya liars. Anyways...I did the thing I told you I was going to do. I migrated the site over to the other opposing site: scarsandhearts.com
I also have started a VLOG. JFC I know, definitely not as cute as I used to be (I AM 45 now somehow?!?!) but I gotta bleach this shit this weekend and I WILL be updating daily through the next month on provided I survive, of course.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzZbRRg5n30lbIbidV4j7Bw
