tickity tick again

So I gotta say, for someone not on anxiety medication or taking any other pyschoactive substance I guess aside from marijuana, it does suck to once again know I have a broken heart again. It's the thing I am trying not to let dominate my thoughts, but when I was sitting in bed earlier with my hands falling asleep, I realize I have had that happen a few times over the past few weeks. Then there is the sometimes sharp pain I have felt for a minute I usually coach myself out of terrorizing myself further because it is the wrong time given I have no health insurance in 5 days.

I told the surgeon I wasn't ready to do it now because of insurance, but ultimately I need to get it done so if I can hold off until next Spring...they are doing the next scan in December--so it's either I have 6 months or a year or 16 years to live, maybe. Though you gotta admit the positives to waiting might exceed the negatives, though clearly the valve could get worse and make the replacement even more complicated. All I know is he said it was ...