I've been trying to find things to be happy about--things to feel grateful for, things to make it all better, and I've obviously been at somewhat of a loss for quite a while. It's been hard to even just STAND our lives, and I've begun to realize both of us are literally just waiting to die. I told Don this this morning while I was reading, trying to absorb another book full of help for myself but realizing something just hasn't clicked in there--because nothing has really seemed to speak to ME, specifically, but sure, you can pull helpful elements out of anything if you just try hard enough.
I told him..."you realize both of us are literally in a pattern of waiting to die, that's all either one of us is doing right now." We've been paralyzed so long by our own inability to make shit happen that it seems we will just languish and die in this apartment--maybe me going first and him going right after due to no natural causes but his inability to tolerate the world, too. He told me now that he knows exactly how shitty everyone in the world is after the election that ...
I wrote the ad I wanted to, but Don is a slight concerned as he told me he wants to cook Turkey naked.
So I figured I would immortalize it here, instead.
The Ad that wasn't:
ISLAND OF MISFIT TOYS THANKSGIVING in DENVER
Thanksgiving is here and some of you guys might be sitting in the same boat with me and my guy, who really have been drunk since election night, drinking ourselves into a stupor, and yes, stupified, as many of you might be, that this really happened. It really fucking happened though.
Be that as it may, we've decided to do our own thing and I thought it would be a fun shot in the dark to see if there are any misplaced east or west coasters who might want to hang and eat with us Thanskgiving or anyone else who doesn't want to spend their time with Trumpcentric family members and friends. I'm a New Yorker at heart and miss the city for its community and the ease with which people network. Not sure about you, but it's pretty easy to notice people don't really work that way here, so involved in themselves and the only thing people seem to get behind ...
Isn't that what we all want? Some piece, a slice of something that we can chew on, savor and reflect on in our darker moments? something that carries us through to a better end? Something to suck on when the whole world is dark and wet and cold. Something more akin to comfort over the torture. I don't have that...yet.
I was telling Don this morning that part of the reason we hate it here so much is there is nothing happening in our lives. This is a precarious situation brought on by poverty and just a general whatthefuckedness that is what Denver has become for me. I think, truly, that if you live in a high functioning city that trading it in for a semi-functioning one such as this kind of places you in a place of shock that is almost impossible to recover from--it's a state of mind that is hard to shake, and there is some delicious irony in realizing I hate people for their inflexibility but my own brain is not realizing that maybe I just haven't gone out enough, surrounded myself with enough people, done fucking anything to change the scope of what I see and ...
