rough roads ahead

There's been some tickling lately in my head--it sometimes manifests in weird deja-vu moments, sometimes it's me waking up at midnight or two or three am, usually predicated by a night drinking I should not have had. This has happened over a splattering of the first two weeks, but tomorrow it's a 60 day program we're on-something we haven't done since 2018-when a certain husband I know fell off a cruise ship after drinking too much and we vowed off drinking for what ended up being only a few weeks-but was still good practice. Since we moved east a far less often thing, once a week or so but still too much at a time. Right now I need to just stop for a few reasons, the least of which is new rustling for talk about my surgery again, and we all know that's best avoided, but even still that might require some other intervention, because unlike in times past, we are utterly alone and have been for 17 months-save one trip from Alyse and B, it's been just utterly isolating. I don't even know if I remember how to talk to people anymore-I've been changing my work ...