Not Dying Isn’t the Same as Living

Published October 15th, 2013 in 2000-2011 | No Comments »

I think you know you're officially old when you age out of the breeding pool. I don't meant that there aren't women getting pregnant at my age, but it seems that waiting for children is something people in cities do. In the country, well, Denver is country in ways you city folk wouldn't understand. In the country these guys are set up to breed as soon as the age of 23. There's really nothing more horrifying to me than the idea of having a literal teenager in my house, and trying to start or adopt now is obviously out of the question. Luckily there is no accidental way for me to get pregnant since we are covered in every sense. Don, who tragically has suffered every insane conflict incited by a woman, has been snipped and I had my own little implanted mirena thing to ensure nothing ever latched on. Since we're engaged, I realize it's okay now to get this thing removed though I feel a little naked envisioning life without it. Not that his body is going to bridge the scar tissue and find a way over-but it's the only thing that is definitively female about how I ...

Category: 2000-2011

The Language of the Universe is Fuck You

Published October 15th, 2013 in 2011-current | No Comments »

I've got a birthday coming up here in a week and it's sent me into a tailspin of reflection. The where I have been, where I'm going, and where I want to be I am pretty clear on. I'm rarely satisfied, so being uncomfortable with all of these things is really not out of the ordinary. Fuck, if you've read me once you know I'm a little more skeptical than the average girl.

I've been trying to convince myself for years that things will get better, that it's just a matter of time and opportunity. I've tried several things-leaving jobs that were essentially soul-less and futureless, I've tried changing my scenery and location by 2,000 miles. I've tried getting an education and have realized I can't do it and work full time. I've left relationships that weren't giving me anything but instead were draining me with no reward. I've learned how to stand up for myself through all of this, yet still, I'm way behind all of you. And When I say behind, I mean I am not even on the same ship but instead I'm literally rowing myself with one working arm. Even still, despite my literal resume of failures, ...

Category: 2011-current

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