retardation in circles
I have come to the conclusion that persuing or perusing the men in my life has brought me nothing but incompletion and degradation in terms of who what when where why how…You never know what you want, and when you have what you say you were looking for it seems that is is never enough..
Am I enough? I generally tend to think that I am more than a mouthful and certainly have enough in a rationalizing brain working capacity to fulfill whatever wants are requested by the opposite sex..Unfortunately, it never seems to be enough..And there is that thing, the arrogance the completeness of a man in a relationship which I find appealing, be it the confidence, the completness resonating past the physical spirit to be encapsulated in a person that I find appealing..What I want to know is why this completeness never is exuded by the ones I choose to involve myself with?..And it isn’t that I don’t understand it..Last year was a string of people who didn’t exude that confident bounty but were more reserved and seemingly lost in the slew of faces and ever-changing names…And then it seems that their hearts reside in the past..Not the present, not the here, now, not what counts now, but more of what counted then and what doesn’t matter now.
If I allowed myself to be coninually beaten and bruised by loves I had instead of focusing on the potential in front of me I would forever be breathing in past tense…
But hey, there is that ever manipulated concept of love, which I believe we are all looking for that seems to be the common goal that we all have.. Not for lack of self-confidence or what have you, but primarily because you want someone to be around sometimes to remind you that you are ok, and nothing is going to come crashing down on your head without the support of friends, lovers, whatever.. I have found more support in singular conversations than I ever have in the consistency of a person in my life..
So what to do? Sit back and wait they say.. They also say that sometimes this involves looking up and having that shit knock you backwards..But if you aren’t looking, how the fuck are you supposed to see?
I guess we are all blind to the obvious. I said to someone the other day, show me someone who knows what it means to breathe and I’ll fall in love..
Where the fuck are you??
I’m tired of all these fucking games.
so come find me.
