Failing Aloneinthis
I was always good at aliterations, or really I think I am, though my reading has definitely taken a tumble except for useless stories reported on still, too many news sites I am trying not to get too deep underneath. I think Facebook re-upped my account last night, but it isn’t the account you can link up to me from here to see–sorry if some of you have requested my friendship–it’s to a dead profile simply because. Well, because trolls, that’s why. But I think it got lit up at midnight Saturday night since they only really let you opt out for 7 days. Which is a travesty, because sometimes you need more than a week to heal. I mean, shit, this whole past three weeks I have been mostly drunk every night, save maybe two, and those were because we went to bed too early to really think drinking into it made any sense.
But now, now–I dunno. I haven’t been having too many conversations with many people in the world, save, say, my birth father. Who has a whole right wing thing he abides by–and though he hasn’t been able to really dismantle my claims, I suppose it is true we really are alone and really, all we have is us to carry us through. I hope we can figure out how to manifest that into other things, aside from say, white power groups where people shrink with their ever disappearing whiteness into terrible people who, fuck yes, used to be fucking ashamed of their shit views. Oh how I wish for that world again.
I joined Amazon prime for a month. Well, it was supposed to be that $79 deal but whatever, it’s a $20 month and then yes, they can charge me the normal…I got two books and two more are coming. Because really….when you just can’t stand yourself, or really stand your lack of self anywhere….you can jump into someone else’s life and live in their shoes for a spell…and this is why I love memoirs SO MUCH.
Right now I am reading With or Without You…contemplating my own life and quasi memoir…there are so many titles that could trail along my fragmented stunted little existence…but for now I will just say this…wander through for a minute…
Don and I were walking through the grocery store and I saw all the platters and the food spread out….and I said, huh, how nice it must be for people who have family who like them. The I used to be able to choose my family NYC life is looking a lot harder to be away from…every year adds more layers of disappear of me.
We got a twelve pound turkey that half of me feels compelled to write an ad out for–like, hey, live in Cap Hill? Come eat a turkey with us, our families hate us, too. With of course the addendum….T voters not welcome. Can’t even say his shitmouth name. No need to fight on the things you can avoid, after all.
