changing and changing

Published October 26th, 2019 in 2019 | No Comments ยป

Things have changed a bit over the past week. Don is doing really well in his job, is liked and has a lot to contribute to the work they are doing. I have honestly never heard him so hopeful and happy, probably ever before. Where he is, there is no time to smoke cigarettes, nor any place, so he quit that. Yeah. I am married to a former smoker, as he has quit now. That’s been his business, and though I was certainly never a fan, I am not someone interested in controlling another person. We had a filter for him to smoke inside when he did, an industrial warehouse version in a thousand square feet. He quit the other things being in Colorado entails as well, from drinking to the smoking of the obvious.

Not to be left behind, I also locked away the weed. I haven’t had alcohol in days, which is most definitely a change as well. We both have been sweating our asses off as of late–sleeping while coming off an addiction is pretty difficult. And weed and alcohol are definitely things I would say were more frequent than exercise or really much, aside from maybe sex. We had some issues, no doubt.

We were talking last night and he said he does not want to live here anymore, here being Colorado. The expense is insane. The drivers are out of control and for it to be worth it, there would have to be a better quality of life, which is not what we generally have. Sure, the weather is almost perfect, but—there has to be more than perfect weather to compel you. Quality of life is another thing. With the numbers reported of people leaving and moving in, there is still a net positive of 75,000 per year coming this way. It is pretty, yes, but–also a mess. And so, well, we will likely not be here by next Summer. His assignment ends in May–he got a bit of time added on. But after that, well, almost anywhere could be the place, though it’s unlikely to be any place I have lived before–most of those places are too expensive to live anymore, and given the state of my life and debts, it’s jut not going to be a great idea.

The entire reason I moved here was pretty much extinguished anyways. The birth mother fiasco being an almost complete failure. Though I might have gotten to know her a bit better over those years, clearly the relationship was not one she valued, and I just picked my whole life up to move somewhere to get to know a family who ultimately did not give a shit about me at all. So, we will go–I have a handful of people I will keep in touch with, but our roots here are not deep. I am good at picking up and starting over. My job allows me to work from anywhere, and his might be more rotating as well. So why the fuck not?

Why indeed. Sitting in a place bitching about people has done me no favors, so why not change something big? Doing the same thing is never great and I have been here almost 9 years. If I haven’t established the roots to not leave by now, then it’s time to go. So I will be spending the next 7 months looking around the country for other places, places money might go further. I am still not opposed to Europe, Germany the Netherlands. I would go anywhere. Being the child of my parents has me used to just picking up and leaving, and aside from Colorado when I was a kid, no place ever felt like home really. Members of my family are now spread all over the country and though my brother is in Massachusetts, a place my family spent some time at, well, nobody else is. My sister is moving South, my parents did already and Don and I might head there or maybe some place like Arizona, as he mentioned that to me. Every place has equal chance now. I just want a walkable, cute, downtown. I am getting older and I am in the last decade of my life, so I want what I want. And that is my only prerequisite, really. Everything else we can negotiate.

Let me just say he got himself this job, but I helped. I set in motion some things that got him even with the child support/tax fiasco. He got an opportunity he did not have to pass up—and my goal of always being a positive influence in the lives of people close finally paid off. I was able to be a partner to him and do something really good. He brought it home, but I set the table. And Deanna and Don for the win. Finally. JFC it took a LONG time, but I think we are finally on a better road.

Category: 2019

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