I have a slew of articles for this site I am putting up. Titles illuminating the lasting effects of having to contend with these crazy mortality conversations you have with yourself and others, the what's now, what's next and hopefully some things and links to places to get some more help in understanding all this stuff. I realize I am in a unique predicament to relay a pretty fucking healthy way of reasoning all of this out. As I think I have mentioned before, I had seen some therapists in my life because I lived in NY and that is what you did. The city was full of a plethora of options and I saw a handful that never particularly felt enlightening or that they were going to open some door to some new level of peace. That I had to find on my own.
I think that if you were living an amazing life and you were piddling along with not a care in the world and you get leveled by this shit, PTSD is a very real thing. For me, I couldn't tell you I suffered any particularly measurable level of anything fabulous in life prior to ...
I have been reading a ton of books, because I can and I don't have children and my husband is conscious a few hours of every day in tandem with me, usually right before work when it's time to get down to start the day right. He, having ended his workday just mere hours before I force myself out of bed, and it's time for me to work. I am reading a lot which is like having friends you can't talk to, so it solves a few conundrums with my time. It's a more of a swing and a nick, instead of a full on hit, this life of mine right now. I have some goals though and I feel like I know how to make them happen. And I do know how to make them happen but I am stubborn and self-centered (though just with most of my time these days)--but yes, I think I figured it out and it comes down to that little thing I have been missing in my life forever. A belief I could do anything and I wouldn't have monumentally massive walls in front of me. The walls I realize largely are ...
