Sooooo....Yeah yeah I am still getting some shit done. Don has to upgrade my computer to be able to host anything to the point of at least being able to edit any videos. Who knew? The best part is now I do have a deadline enforced by another, 6 weeks from yesterday to get the work room set up into a studio space for videos of me talking about heart surgery crap--the procedures, the depression, the expectations. The ways we sometimes fail ourselves in our efforts to heal and communicate with those around us. The things I worry about, stupid and not so much.
I am trying to figure out if I should separate out the beauty stuff from the rest of the situation but then there are the other projects I want to do, a kind of community resources of sorts--I have some really really great ideas on that but then I would have to kill you so let's see what I can forge there. Between that and my online mortuary ideas someone should give me some fucking money already. I should have an online empire I have had sooo many really fucking great ideas honestly. But clearly ...
I have been musing quite a bit on relationships and basically our relationship to the world around us. I think there is something to be said with communing and connecting with nature, sure, and some people have more of that access to fully integrate into their existence. There is an absolute natural power to the life that grows around us but there is something more often than not affecting us on a daily basis and those are the people and energies you relate to which are around you most every day.
As I've mentioned, I work from home. It's easy, it's efficient and it is a low commitment to the world around me as a general rule. I can choose to leave as little or as much as I want, largely, save a day or two during the month when I am required to yes, actually get dressed and go in the office. As it is, most of my adventures do seem to operate within a 3 mile radius because I guess I am a great consumer of shit. But anyways, yes, the grocery store, Target for medicine, or out for art supplies or computer and camera equipment, ...
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Man I have been kind of raring to write this shit about my experiences as some kind of exercise of camaraderie with women or whatever, but all it does is leave me fucking angry. Like why the fuck do I need to write my shitty experience down at all? Will it make me feel better to relive that shit? Will it somehow then make me valuable to discuss this shit with, because I am speaking from experience and not on some bullshit pulpit built on spite? I am clearly not a spiteful person. I have no hate in my body for anyone but some politicians at the end of the day. I fucking love religiously and I am all in if you are all in with me.
I really am not sure because some things I thought I knew are clearly not things I know anymore. People are fucking mean and pretty resolute in their spitefulness and judgment and I am just sitting here like who the hell are we to judge.
Yeah. I was adopted. Yes, because I was fucking adopted I did not want to do that to another kid and wanted my own. I wanted my own ...
