that whole self-apathy self pity kick I have been on for the past 4 years is officially ending. I started writing a little more again lately, and I am flushing all of the discussions, discussed many times over, out of my system. At the bottom is a picture of me at my happiest, looking like an ass...hahahahah.
I crush my cigarette out, watch the lingering stream of smoke curl upwards. I hate it when my cigarette keeps going, fueled by some unseen annoying curse. Sometimes I stick my fingers back in the ashtray, grab another butt, crush it out and hope that the curse will deaden under the force of my push.
My fingers linger over the relief map that is my body, my stomach marked in trails, white keloided staples splitting my rib, traveling up and around to my shoulder blade. My sternum is a braille tale of pain, wire and bone twisted, knotted into screams never uttered, trauma unspoken. I have this tube like a chinese finger trap up the side of my body. It curls under my armpit in an elipse, a metaphor for infinity. My legs seem to be kept on with the light pink slashes that were ...
We went there the last week of February and came back to this shitty cold. It's almost like a secret I want to keep forever because it was so relaxing, so nice. J is making me a cd of images I will post more from later but wanted to share my little bit of sunshine for the people who need it.
I have also decided to write my experiences with tattooing out, my own little mantra of myself, because I realize my involvement in this community has been somewhat deadened as of late.
Much love to all.
yea. So happy new year's to everyone!
I worked my suckass job, got dressed up like a snow princess complete with white corset, white tulle skirt, see-through with black thigh highs with garters extending to hot pants. Then I went to the boy's. The place, a sprawling 3000 square foot loft, filled with party-goers looming in corners vomitting in stairwells. Alex and I danced. I talked with a few people, passed out feet up on Johnnie's bed. I woke up at 8 am, fluttered my eyes to see the boy assisting with my bigass skirt corset removal. Passed out till 2 pm the next day. Woke up, ate, came back, was all about cleaning the puddles of liquor and beer, soppy napkins, cum and whatever else ends up wet on party floors. I passed out at 5 from blood pressure weariness.
Ps. After 8 months of not having my medicine, my doctor has decided to throw my bills away and give me my prescriptions. Mt. Sinai medical center is my friend again. My medicine makes me weary and lower blood pressure tired, but medication makes my heart happier, so it necessitates a little aggravation.
I bought tickets for J and I for Christmas ...
