41 and didn’t feel a thing
Ha. Well I suppose that’s the most benign way I might be able to address a pretty uneventful yet full of events day that was my birthday.
Don is not a particularly thoughtful person, let’s say. He isn’t one to really think about flowers or the easy stuff. His idea of giving is usually centered around sex, which is great and all, but other gestures might be a nice addition obviously.
So, we woke up, I kind of passively aggressively started a fight on him playing video games and not paying attention to me and we went over to a place to eat, decided to forgo our usual alcohol and then walked the dog, came back and ta da. He was exhausted. After the flu shot I made him get–he was not doing well and really slept from 4 to like 9 am basically today. As he was not going to go out last night feeling like garbage so it was me and Ben and Alyse. I had already decided costumes were not required and the three of us proceeded to run out and see if we could get a table anywhere. We ended up at the bar of a restaurant I had always wanted to try where we were not there 5 minutes after my plate went down when Ben had a taste of my gnocchi which had tree nuts in it which required an immediate visit to the ER. We ubered there, she ubered me back to my house yeah, fifteen minutes later and then had called me at 3 am to get her clothing as Ben’s religious parents had made her feel like a whore for wearing fishnets, which she pretty much did for me. I mean, yes Ben obviously, but she knows I love dressing up. I wore a dress I had since 2007-a tiny strapless black lace tiered dress with a bow under the bust. I was cute as hell, but ten people maybe saw that so ta da!
I had left the house at 8 and was back home by 9:38. A pretty standard non eventful eventful birthday. Many years it was pizza badly delivered…man he and I have been broke so long that having $20 doesn’t even seem reasonable sometimes.
So…I woke up today trying to feel hopeful. The sad thing is–man I meant to write about this the other day. But I was going to write how crazy it was that we as a society have accepted money as a solution to the ills we see in society. We have the NRA offering murder insurance now to members, just in case you might find yourself shooting someone and you want to protect your family’s assets. And we have our music stars now seeking out terrorism insurance, just in case. So we have no interest in solving anything, provided there is enough money to satiate you as a dollar value of worth, some way you will be better off monetarily if nothing else. Every day you see more proof of my assertion. People who are paid off, people who are paid to be quiet, hell I believe there are probably NDA’s heavily enforced in our own white house.
And then I considered today what I am doing. What am I doing? I am trying to get enough MONEY to have a CHOICE about where I can be ultimately in the future. I am not wholly invested in a society which does not want to invest in itself. As it is, I have to be suspect of a population I already live in where the goals seem to be primarily personal and not community-minded. But then I have to view the irony of my own proposed solutions: namely that I would gladly take two outcomes. I understand these outcomes are not going to make sense to everyone, and I will try to explain a few things around either one. Ironically, neither one involves a move back to a big city unless it would be LA. Hmm. Ok. But yes, I realized my hypocrisy in some ways to suggesting money cannot solve problems because sometimes it is a means to an end. It’s just not the end all the time…I have three options I see as a possible future for us.
1) Leave the country and go somewhere tropical, yet stable.
2) Move to Hollywood (yeah it’s gonna fall into the ocean but at least I would love my life for more than five minutes, um, hopefully!)
3) Get out of Denver and get a property I can build and paint and mess up and have dogs, maybe something with a lot of acres, some land to get some good people out on or have yes, my weed dude ranch or series of workshops, an outpost for artists or people wanting to go on retreats. This is an exciting one in some respects, but I am thinking simplifying is better over complicating.
All of these rely on a telecommuting life pretty much given I am going to try to use my brain and cleverness to make money over my desire to make people happy and service them. The servicing I am switching focus on and trying to service myself for a while so I might be able to really have the means to make things better for more people than me.
