self pity works for 30 seconds at a time

So maybe it took more than thirty seconds to write that last post. So maybe I have been feeling like a garbage can full of nothing for a long time. The point is I am definitely someone who has not hit her high. I am absolutely someone who hasn't achieved anything close to her full potential because I have barely even attempted it.

Fear of success? Nah. Fear of failure, ehh. Hard to say. At this point I am realizing I spend a great deal of time trying to improve the lives of other people and I have done that for years and years. I did it with my birth mother by renovating that building so she had free time to spend with my sister's children and stop working at a grocery store. I have done it with friends and I have done it with Don. Very rarely have I felt like I should spend the same time on myself because it seemed as if I owed other people over myself. I know I have written and maybe alluded to this in my past, but I am fucking terrible at looking at my life's problems with the same problem ...