so many people…really, so much time

Huh. I have been thinking lately a lot about connections, time and the number of people that can come in and out of a life–and really it’s almost depressing when I think about the number of people I have come across in my life, the phone numbers and emails I had but never used, the…

the never connect disconnect

Things got a little better this weekend. I wish I could say Don had some breakthrough or realized I wanted, no I needed to be as normal as I could be so treating me like a piece of tissue paper would not make a hell of a lot of sense. But I think he got…

because apparently winning isn’t for me

So, this is a new one I am faced with–after almost 8 years with this man, he has suddenly decided he cannot have sex with me anymore as it will kill me. He came up with that, not me, given yeah, sure sex caused a lot of these problems, but if you think about the…

oh fucking well to…yes

I think this revamping of my life thing would be going much much better if I had some more energy, but there’s not a hell of a lot I can do with manifesting that. Don is gone at night and things are quiet and lonely and I inevitably get tired and pass out on the…

pity is quite shitty

Man I was not in the mood this morning at all. Like for Don, for life, for the bullshit, for the nuisances that have already plagued my day. I have a shitty headache as well as a leg that is kind of creeping up some problems on me. I think that the leg we will…

my anxiety is real, holy shit

I feel like life is kind of speeding past us all and we are sometimes cognizant of the time and other times it’s like holy shit have I been having the same day for weeks, and the thing that seems to differentiate the timeline is the food I make. It’s one of the only things…

seven eight nineteen

I know so many of you have been waiting for the death notice or sputterings of whatever. Not dead, shit, you all know I am good at escaping that but the odds are terrible, of course. Obviously many of us have gone through the single digit survival chances with the emergencies and all that crap,…

63-70 whatever could that mean?

I think in certain situations in life it is okay to fucking freak out and lose your shit, but there’s never a hell of a lot of time to sit inside a shitty diaper, reveling in the stink. It doesn’t fucking help, and once you lay it out factually, it is much easier to contend…

7/1 Love Someone

I need alliterations as they keep it all interesting.Last night I was a real human being. I went to the funeral service of a friend really to accompany another friend. The deceased I did not know well nor did I have too many personal conversations with, but the gesture was genuine. She was a sweet…

6/21 sun sun sun

Today is my father’s birthday. My dad, as it were—the one I grew up with calling that. I generally try to denote these people but let’s say at this point the maternal end of things is undone and in knots and not easy to resolve because of my own welling distrust of really anyone but…


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