Wow. What a difference a month can make. It seems like I’ve been neglecting this bit of me for a while, for a time to start to write a little memoir, but then I realized I am not where I want to be, so knowing the points to trace in telling the story forwards or…
I let go of something really important to me last night. I know it was the “right thing” to do, but I still hated doing it. My conclusion is I am sick of caring more for other people’s feelings and well-being–with none of the same courtesies extended my way. Lack of communication is ignoring someone,…
Things are so fucking crazy right now. Nothing is fucking stable. Nothing is solid. Everything is bound to change a lot. I want my stability, but I know that’s not meant to come right now. Because I haven’t quite earned that yet. I’m done for now. Gotta figure out a way to pick up the…
The peace and solitude of silence, the ability to create and breathe life into previously sedentary objects, this is what I need. I am about to hit the bottom with such a deafening thud. I have done it to myself, this time, well no likely every time before. But this time is going to be…
E’s morsel of wisdom came to level me down to a certain playing field once again. He looks at me yesterday and said “so when you were recovering from your most recent dying episode in the hospital back in 2006…did you ever think you’d be able to say to yourself that 4 years later you’d…
BAM. There she goes…I have what I figure to be 5 months to get it done. Or start getting things done. I have paintings. Books. Businesses. Creation wrapped around interpretation and a fastidious and fast hand. The novel, er memoir, er, thingamajig thing is coming along. I am trying to tackle quite a bit right…
Oh, today–you started off bizarre, tear-filled and empty, then became a little more tolerable as the day went on. Poor F had to bear the brunt of it originally, meeting me on the street with tears streaming down my face…and enforced to me that I should be more focused on giving and being a good…
Oh, my dreams. I despise being psychically connected to someone…to feel what is going on without really knowing, errr…seeing it in front of me. It’s a seriously scary thing and sometimes I have to decide to cut the cord in efforts to save some semblance of something. I mean, really? What were you thinking, chickadee?…
My original ramblings at this time were an amalgamation of spit and blood and muddied heart songs. I am choosing to flip it around and focus on the positive, what I do possess. My head is hurting me and it has been for quite some time now…I have been getting these strange headaches for weeks….
I feel like I am in a constant state of flux and movement…with so much going on, floating by and becoming more real, it’s easy for me to get distracted with the whats I think I don’t have and/or should…I have realized that the history shaking is going to be a big deal for me….
