Posessed and repressed

Published November 11th, 2004 in 2000-2011 | 5 Comments »

My feelings lately have come swirling to the surface, obvious to me,
yet not to others, and I have tried hard to hide them, shove them down
deep in my pockets, to be picked up and flicked up around winding
pretzels packed tight into dusty bags of yesterday. They are
miscalculated, discombobulated, scarlet, and clear. They run like noses
can, and sometimes even the best of planning cannot hide them far away.
I feel like the testing I do of myself has finally come to an end, and
despite the hopes and dreams that others had for me, I can still
middle-finger them and walk my own road.

I am contemplating writing this book. Though I am not sure about having
it pre-formatted in deadline though the discipline would most likely do
some good. I am a young and old soul wrapped in a tight package. I have
had visions of the guilt one could only inspire from a successful
though unintentional ending. I feel as though I might have done
something terrible in a  past life, but I am not done making up
for it.

I have this little illustrated magazine idea I have had for so long
it’s retarded. And now the time that I have is a little more conducive
to its production. And I can put it out under one of three names I have
already.

The giving season has commenced with a tidy array of Christmas
decorations put out too early, to commemorate the beginning of the
season of consumerism. Isn’t that nice of them? I think my season of
giving will be highlighted by not purchasing much of anything directly
gift-related, but perhaps a thing or two for someone special that I
cannot construct myself.

My living room is full of three boys, much like it was a month and some
ago. My dog is draped across the cushion behind B. There are
various things scattered on my living room table, from gummy strawberry Japanese candy wrappers to makeup, the discarded ends
we’ve smoked, and magazines and periodicals poking from underneath
discarded mail. Medicine, chocolate syrup.

Category: 2000-2011

5 Responses to “Posessed and repressed”

  1. candydarling says:

    If you like JT’s stuff…then you should read “Valencia” by Michelle Tea…amazing book.

    • Funny, someone sent me exactly that book while I was away in Portugal a few years ago….

      It’s a good one, alright…

      • candydarling says:

        Yeah…Michelle Tea is great. When I was living in San Francisco, I would often go and hear her read with Sister Spit at Cafe Du Nord. “Rent Girl” and “Pills, Thrills, Chills and Heartache” are also some of my faves from her…

  2. exxistence says:

    Contemplating

    I´d say write the first chapter and a synopsis of your book and send it round the publishers. You might even get a 10k advance.

    I´m being a total hypocrite here cos I’ve started writing 3 books and never got past page 2!

  3. Anonymous says:

    tis me pnp

    followed your link to catch up with you! huggles to you my friend and remember iam always here for you …well not here but at iam …guess maybe i should get one of these pages! huggles again
    piercednpainted

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