Man I was not in the mood this morning at all. Like for Don, for life, for the bullshit, for the nuisances that have already plagued my day. I have a shitty headache as well as a leg that is kind of creeping up some problems on me. I think that the leg we will really see the outcome of come Winter--I still think there has to be some credence to a certain altitude being either better or worse for the condition. It would only make sense that certain factors would be more stressful on systems running the body.
Right now I get to watch the US gleefully kill off a bunch of its poorest and sickest. Some of you probably have zero idea what it's like to suffer major illness in a country where MONEY is the first and only American value people use at first glance to determine your worth. That is, if they can't see your face and judge you there---but yes, the United States and our Reality Show Prez are so keen to hurt a bunch of poor people through neglect--that I can tell you now--I can predict how many will say, fuck it, ...
I feel like life is kind of speeding past us all and we are sometimes cognizant of the time and other times it's like holy shit have I been having the same day for weeks, and the thing that seems to differentiate the timeline is the food I make. It's one of the only things I do make myself do, cook, though I don't think I always eat the right amount of food because I forget, and being hungry is something that even goes back to the time I was on Depakote, and decided that wanting to eat the house every time I breathed wasn't a great plan. You do want to eat everything and that's not why I cook, because I have some pretty healthy ways about me.
I eat a handful or two of walnuts every day. I am also trying to eat a cup of broccoli to keep my coumadin in check, I drink a lot of water. I will eat an apple with peanut butter and some dried cherries thrown in covered in sunflower seeds, a few hard boiled eggs. I rarely, so very rarely have more sugar than is in my morning coffee which ...
I know so many of you have been waiting for the death notice or sputterings of whatever. Not dead, shit, you all know I am good at escaping that but the odds are terrible, of course. Obviously many of us have gone through the single digit survival chances with the emergencies and all that crap, but as one gets older, it's kind of expected that you understand the risks, the outcomes, the eventualities. And yes, eventually of course I will run out of luck. I initially wrote cash because that is what my mind has been focused on for most of my life. Never enough resources not to fuck everyone else around me. And that is what I am most focused on given the circumstances of my life--not ruining it for everyone else
But given the themes of recent posts, death, life whatever, I have had a really hard time trying to negotiate the idea of having any sort of quality to life. Yes, we've all heard me say when you come into adulthood with a shitty illness, you expect to have nothing. You certainly aren't going to get a real retirement and my work history going back to ...
