Woot. Today, they say, is gonna be nice. I just tied the balloons to the sign outside. For some apparent reason, I have a bizarre fear of letting them go. I spin back to being like 4, and feeling like I was going to get carried off by them, and then accidentally letting one go. It really makes me sad, and it might be one of my more irrational fears, but everyone at work knows about it, and they rarely miss an opportunity to make fun of me for it. I seriously get panicky when I am holding them, afraid someone is going to bump me or I might be clutzy. I would be one of those people who would cry in understanding if I saw a little kid in the same condition.
So this week's revelations are: drinking is bad, and doing drugs all the time is, too. I think back to when I was dating the lead singer of Bane, and how easy and clean life was. I did meet him with a joint in one hand and a beer in the other and was smoking cigarettes, but things quickly changed when we moved in together. GAY. I ...
So...I swear: I don't know if I am existing to be some major antagonist to the people around me, or if it's just the weather. Or maybe everyone is just insane. V and I talked about this slew of mean-spirited letters being sent my way from Alex, my old roommate who relocated to LA. So the story is: she owes me $468 bucks so I kept her cds as collateral because it took her almost 9 months to get her shit from my house, and even then, she didn't even come but sent some haphazard relation to get them. So her and her boyfriend have been trying to send me these insulting letters claiming I have diseases and sleep around town drunk every other night to cheating on my boyfriend to my relatives dying on me being a sign that they have to get away from me to I am a loser to whatever. Not that it matters, because both of them have earned zero respect from me. I am just so fucking bored trying to fence off verbal attacks from fucking girls for so many years. It's not that I don't like the vagina, there are just so many ...
Oh yes. I admit it. Those evil hoaxers did it to me, too! Good thing I hate my work or I might feel bad about fucking up their computers.
Johnnie told me about it which was funny. In the same conversation I told him I was trying to figure out things to hate him for. Not really hate, but things to think about that I didn't like or find attractive. He called me mean, but you all admit it! I like thinking about him getting old and nerdy. Or taking a shit. I used to think about guys I liked shitting to not think about them anymore. There is something mildly bizarre and fucked up about defecation. Especially when you don't have to see the person all the time. I mean, I pee with the door open, I have even been known to take a shit with no apologies. And every once in a while, yes, even I let one rip. But c'mon, who doesn't? All you prissy kitties are big fat liars. J used to get on me for it, but I realized he was too old fashioned and weird to understand girls are oftentimes worse that the boys.
