I survived but never wished I sometimes didn’t before this one.

I know, how irresponsible and ungracious, right? This surgery kicked my ass. First of all I was in ICU over a week & I am still in a terrible amount of pain too much for me to remember what it feels like to feel good. I did get them to help me go through multiple bottles of painkiller, there was no chance they were getting away with prescribing me a headache medicine when my chest got cracked open for the 3rd time. I am now finishing a lyrica and tramadol prescription & the pain still isn't under control so, fuck, really.

My 6-7 hour surgery took 13 hours. Ungodly pain when they woke me up. the fentanyl button every day but the last 2. Almost 2 full weeks I was in there.

I also got a pacemaker, which I did NOT want because I have that PEMF mat I need to get rid of. Or use just with the heat and none of the zip. They also underestimated the pain w/2 surgeries in 3 days. The pacemaker took them about 3 hours to find a place and they stretched through the top of my crescent scar on my chest. ...