1/22 you moron. One two-two-eighteen.
The thing that happened the same day I wrote the post is a lesson in and of itself...the no drinking turned into a drinking on 1/22 that basically resulted in a several pint blood loss in my bathroom.
When I came home from the hospital it peeled up off the sink in layers--it was sprayed everywhere all over the white walls, splattering the floor, tub, matt, curtain. It did look like someone was murdered, and if the EMT hadn't swiped my iphone maybe I would have taken a photo.
Poor Don, poor all the men I have been with who have been blamed for the wounds on my face. They many times weren't EVEN there when the shit hit the fan, or my face as it were. He was there and kept screaming why did you do that why did you do that.
And you know what, it's true. He literally did nothing but exist in the same space I was in and though we were working together--I was really working against him.
It's something I have never admitted aside from mentioning we are terrible drinkers sometimes together. He's gotten mean. I have definitely gotten mean--and when I do get ...
Lately things have been getting so much better, well I expect they will and will expect they continue to improve. This is day 5, no wine. Now wine and I have a contentious relationship in that sometimes it does seem to bring me joy, and still other times it isn't doing much aside from providing me with much needed calories at the end of the day.
You see, I don't eat well as of late--er as of before the past few days. Before then I would be hungry, sure, but oftentimes will forego much besides my coffee with that perfectly sweetened and milk/creamed Dunkin Donuts coffee creamer. That level of sugar was really my daily intake--that level of sugar sustained me most of the day. I am not a miserable person, no no--I certainly am not normally--now I wonder what the sustained effects of not having the alcohol might do. Lately I have been SLEEPING, like a lot. Granted I have been in and out of the flu, coughing and feverish every few days for the past 13-but this is okay as I feel invincible since I had the pneumonia vaccine, which might be largely psychosomatic, but that's the power of ...
The turning of the new year has been bittersweet for obvious reasons...I want to take a minute to be thankful of the people I do have around who have not judged, who have been there for Don and I during some of the most challenging times...to hear me cry or lend a hand or a dollar, an ear...you know, the things our friends do for us. Thanks to the piggy and Mark for saving my ass when nobody else was there...even my mother, not the birth one, but the one I grew up knowing--even SHE ignored me when I called her for specific help. I get it...I get it...everyone is trying to teach me a lesson because apparently I have had a cake life full of ease and easy opportunities? Yeah, fuck you.
ANYWAYS--even though I am ass poor right now, next January 2nd I hope to have something entirely different to report. ENTIRELY different. I am 41 years old and opened a savings account for the first time since I was maybe 22--what's the point of having savings the hospital and student loan people could just come take it at will? There was none, certainly. All good...by the time they ...
