nevermind. I’m not going
This life is stressful enough without adding more to be upset about, I've realized. I can't go. The ultimate voice of reason (my mother)--now this is my mother mother, my mom, as it were, knocked some sense into me. How one could go on vacation when I am as stressed as I am about even thinking about going is insane. Christmas IS ruined and really at the end of the day it's just the way I should handle this. I am going to have to pay some money to cover the difference in costs for my friend who is going--but even the few hundred dollars I have to put in for him is still probably less than I would WANT to spend and have to spend ultimately, anyways, without the guilt. My mother also mentioned I had been to a few of these places...and I have, except Munich, Salzburg and Budapest. So it might be the last time. Maybe it won't. I might regret it sure, but everything I can do to get away from here is the angle to take. There is no room for much besides me freaking out in my brain obviously so there is that. Go me. Killing my own ...
